Who Needs An Appendix?

Who Needs An Appendix?


– I love my audiences,
I think everybody knows that. I love my staff,
they’re like family. They’re always there
when I need them, and always hitting me up
for money, like family. One of them gets sick, I always
call and I check on them, and make sure they know that
I have to dock their pay, and– The other day, I came to work
and I found out one of my producers, Daniel,
got appendicitis, and, of course, the first thing
I said was, “Who’s Daniel?” And, I’m kidding,
I love Daniel. I think. I don’t know who he–
I think I do. Do I love Daniel, Andy?
Do I know who he is? I love him?
Oh, good. Good. I know who he is. Blonde? Anyway, the doctors caught
the appendicitis in time, and he’s doing a lot better, and, uh, now he’s wearing
pajamas when he comes to work, and he’s eating ice cream,
which is what he did before, but still. I didn’t know much about
appendicitis, so I looked it up, and here
are a few of the symptoms. Uh, inflammation, excruciating stomach pain,
and nausea. And most people on Yelp
give it one star. They don’t like it. Apparently the appendix
is like a ticking time bomb. It can erupt at any moment. It’s the Gary Busey of organs. And something else I found out
about the appendix, we don’t need it.
We don’t need it. There are a lot of things
in our body apparently
that we don’t need. Tonsils, wisdom teeth,
the male nipple. What? What? Actually some scientists believe
that those parts are left over from
our caveman ancestors. It’s crazy that we’ve basically
had the same bodies for hundreds of thousands
of years. It’s time that we evolved and
we–those things just don’t– why are we making them still? Let them just go away, and then we could evolve
in other ways that we need. Like we–we need longer arms
for selfies. That’s what we should be
having. That is helpful. You’re welcome. I also think that if we
could have pouches like little kangaroos have
a pouch. So that we’d have a place
for our keys all the time, and we could avoid
the fanny pack. We could, you know,
we have two kidneys. How about two livers?
One for rum, one for tequila. So we can stay in good shape. I thought you’d like that. I actually wouldn’t mind
having a spring in my step because, uh, you know,
I like to dance.

75 Replies to “Who Needs An Appendix?”

  1. Kayla: I hate tonsils !
    Jenny: I hate wisdom teeth !
    Me: So those male nipples tho? …. Why else would anime guys not have nipples ?

  2. I remember that after the surgery I didn't want to sneeze because of the pain. Thank god I didn't! I couldn't imagine how much it was going to hurt.

  3. I had appendicitis. My appendix actually burst and it was infected. I am so so so so so lucky i didn't die, but it hurt like a bitch. I'm glad its over. One of the worst times of my life.

  4. I just got two of my wisdom teeth out on Friday! Thankfully the swelling has gone down and the pain is almost gone! ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. I got my appendix out about a year ago and I would have excruciating pain in my appendix once or twice a month for two years before it burst and it got taken out. thanks for noticing doc!

  6. The appendix is actually useful when we get food poisoning. it contains micro organisms that help fight the infections

  7. I had my appendix removed when I was 2 because it was about to burst. ๐Ÿ™‚ I remember waking up after the surgery and a nurse brought breakfast to my mom and I wasnt allowed to eat anything, but I was super hungry and wanted a piece of bacon haha.

  8. Not only did I have appendicitis at the age of 9, but I also was diagnosed a Type 1 Diabetic at the tender age of 3. Just to add to the nonsense!

  9. I went to emerge one night because I couldn't stand up from stomach pain and so I had a few ultrasounds, reporting that I had a 5 centimetre abscess from what they thought was a burst appendix. I had surgery to have it removed, and in the middle of it, they found out that it wasn't even my appendix. so they gave unnecessary surgery to a 13 year old and they still can't figure out what my problem is 5 months later. so now I'm having another surgery to see if they can find anything. hope they get it right this time lmao

  10. Had to be rushed to hospital during a 3 week language course away from home to get mine out ๐Ÿ˜ฃ #badtiming

  11. We've two kidneys, how about two livers
    One for rum one for tequila!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  12. Seriously, this is one thing I believe: People who hate on Ellen are truly fucked up people who needs to get a life…….

  13. I just had mine out a couple weeks ago. Surprisingly, my experience was nothing like everyone else's. I was in the hospital less than 24 hours, up and walking the day after surgery, barely needed the pain medication. And now I'm going back to work next week. Only complication I had was an incision opened up last week but not serious. And my bowels are taking awhile to get back to normal but other than that appendicitis was not painful

  14. I nearly lost my life to my appendix bursting always suffer with stomach pains so didn't know they burst
    Went work one day and came home and I couldnt move got rushed into hospital had scan and it was my appendix burst and started rotting away my bowel 2 hours surgery turned into 7 and a half hour surgery so lucky to be here today

  15. I had my appendix removed and nothing has changed except now I have a scar on my stomach. I don't feel any different. It still hasn't fully healed but has anyone had anything feel different after it was removed? I'm kinda nervous…

  16. TheEllenShow I was feeling really down tonight and seeing this just turned my night right side up again , thank you Ellen ! I hope one day I can go see you! Your are a wonderful human being and such an inspiration .I love you and your show !

  17. Omg I still remember when I had my appendix removed when I was 9 years old and the next week I got chicked pox worst thing ever

  18. The appendix is a home for good bacteria that reboot the gut when an infection hits. If you live in a first world country you generally do not have to worry about it. If you need it, it is good to have.

  19. I was diagnosed with an appendicitis in September 2015.ย  After surgery I was diagnosed with appendix cancer.ย  Wish I never would have had an appendix.

  20. just had my appendix removed a couple days ago, i had pain in my lower right torso for half a year befor i got any stomach pain, but i got the surgery befor it burst. ๐Ÿ˜€

  21. you"re very popular, please use your popularity to promote wisdom, not to promote or encourage wrongdoing, especially when referring to the appendix been useless.
    Function and involvements of the appendix in humans1- Have been shown to produce various biogenic amines and peptide hormones.
    2- Is involved primarily in immune functions.
    3- Lymphoid tissue begins to accumulate in the appendix shortly after birth and reaches
    a peak between the second and third decades of life, decreasing rapidly thereafter and
    practically disappearing after the age of 60.
    4- During the early years of development, however, the appendix has been shown to function as a lymphoid organ, assisting with the maturation of B lymphocytes (one variety of
    white blood cell) and in the production of the class of antibodies known as immunoglobulin
    A (IgA) antibodies.

    5- Researchers have also shown that the appendix is involved in the production of molecules that help to direct the movement of lymphocytes to various other locations in the
    body.

    6- The appendix also exposes white blood cells to the wide variety of antigens, or foreign
    substances, present in the gastrointestinal tract.
    7- The appendix helps to suppress potentially destructive humoral (blood- and lymph-borne)
    antibody responses while promoting local immunity.
    8- The appendix–like the tiny structures called Peyer's patches in other areas of the
    gastrointestinal tract–takes up antigens from the contents of the intestines and reacts to
    these contents.
    9- This local immune system plays a vital role in the physiological immune response and in
    the control of food, drug, microbial or viral antigens.
    10- The connection between these local immune reactions and inflammatory bowel
    diseases, as well as autoimmune reactions in which the individual's own tissues are
    attacked by the immune system.
    11- In the past, the appendix was often routinely removed and discarded during other abdominal surgeries to prevent any possibility of a later attack of appendicitis; the appendix
    is now spared in case it is needed later for reconstructive surgery if the urinary bladder is removed.
    12- In such surgery, a section of the intestine is formed into a replacement bladder, and the
    appendix is used to re-create a 'sphincter muscle' so that the patient remains continent (able to retain urine)

    13- In addition, the appendix has been successfully fashioned into a makeshift replacement
    for a diseased ureter, allowing urine to flow from the kidneys to the bladder.
    14- As a result, the appendix, once regarded as a nonfunctional tissue, is now regarded as
    an important 'back-up' that can be used in a variety of reconstructive surgical techniques.
    It is no longer routinely removed and discarded if it is healthy.

  22. Male nipples were extremely useful once. In case the female of a couple died (e.g. during labor), lactation from male nipples can be achieve by repeatedly sucking them. This way a baby could survive without a mother or nanny

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