Guy Robs Store with Infection

Guy Robs Store with Infection


A man in Pennsylvania
attempted a robbery, but he used something much
more creative than a gun. Hi, I’m Alessandra from Italy.
Let’s talk about that. ♪ (theme music) ♪ – Gooooood Mythical Morning.
– This episode is brought to you by Kotulas.com, The Guys With the Goods.
Lots of amazing things to purchase – at that site.
– Such as the Stun Cane. (crackles) One million volts right there, Link. Right
there. (crackles) This is like an old man’s cane. He’s walking
around, he’s like– – But you can shock somebody with it!
– (old man voice) Hey sonny. Oh, you wanna callmeGrandpa, huh? (crackles) – Grab it right there.
– It’s a Taser. It is a one-million-volt Taser built into a cane! I love
Kotulas.com ’cause you can only get stuff like this at Kotulas.com! (crackles) – (gasps)
– No, no, no. Don’t touch me. Good gracious. It’s frightening.
Whew, that shook me up. Ah, we wanna thank all you people who
have submitted video responses saying, “Hi, I’m so-and-so from
whatchimaplace. Let’s talk about that.” We wanna invite more of you
to submit your video response. Here’s how you do that: You just make a
video response to any one of the episodes. Probably pick the most recent episode
of Good Mythical Morning. Make a video response. People are
asking, listen, you get people to say, “I’m so-and-so from whatchamacallit,
let’s talk about that,” then you never talk about that. Well, because they’re
saying “let’s talk about that” about what we said we were gonna talk about
that before they came on the screen. – Yeah, that’s right.
– It’s just like– – No, that’s not right. You’re wrong.
– (dramatic voice) A man in Pennsylvania did a robbery and used something
more interesting than a gun. (higher voice) I’m Rhett from Fuquay-Varina
North Carolina. Let’s talk about that. (normally) The guy with the thing.
That’s what I’m saying. Oh. Maybe we should just change the
format of our show and just talk about where people are from.
That would be awesome. – Yeah, that would never get old.
– So just change your inflection a little bit. I don’t even know how to do it, you
know. You’re on your own there, but just try your best. You kinda know
what we’re going for. When people ask me where I’m from, I still
say– I don’t think I’m ever gonna get to a point where I’m like, “I’m
from Los Angeles California.” Well, “Where do you live?” is one thing,
but where you’re from is another thing. – Yeah.
– News story. Let’s talk about it. Sharon, Pennsylvania. That’s
not a woman; that’s a place. – A what? A share?
– Sharon is the name of the place. – It’s not a woman.
– Oh, Sharon. Police say a man tried to rob a Western
Pennsylvania gambling parlor by threatening to spread a staph infection.
Online court records don’t list an attorney for 41-year-old Fred Parker of
Coolspring Township. Police say he walked into Lucky’s Internet Cafe. There’s
still internet cafes, huh? Internet… well, no,
but don’t tell Lucky. (laughs) That summer, my
formative summer in Slovakia… – Mmhmm.
– I spent a lot of time in internet cafes. – Like, gambling?
– No! Getting on the internet. But it was also a gambling establishment. That’s what they are in Pennsylvania, but
in my day, internet cafes were places were – places where you went to send email.
– Kinda like the public library, but you – can win money.
– Don’t ask me why. I would send an email to my girlfriend at the time, who is now
my wife. I would send an email to her grandmother. Her grandmother would
print it out and give it to her. What? – Because this was, what, the fifties?
– (laughs) It was 1999. – What?
– I don’t know why that’s the way we did – it in ’99, but it was a good year.
– Because it was tangible, you know? (dramatically) Here it is.
(normally) We’ve lost the magic of that. Printing off emails and reading
them. We need more of that! – The grandmother part is also important.
– But he robbed an internet cafe… – In Sharon.
– using a staph infection? – Yeah.
– How do you do that? Well, he came in there on Monday night,
to the internet cafe, and he didn’t get on the internet. He just began touching
the walls and gambling machines claiming he had MRSA. That’s some sort of staph
infection. It stands for something; it’s – an acronym.
– MRSA. Yeah. We call it MRSA. A serious staph
infection that resists antibiotics. So he goes in there with nothing but
himself and his viral-ness, and he’s like, – “Put ’em up, I have a staph infection?”
– It’s not viral; it’s bacterial. – Oh. Bacterial.
– But it was ineffective. Police say Parker left when the cashier refused, but
was arrested a short time later based on his description. Not based on his
infection but based on his description. – So it didn’t work.
– Well, you know, he gets – points for creativity.
– Points. He’s also going by – the point system.
– He also gets points, yes, yes. He gets respect from us, but the
cashier wasn’t going for it, huh? Well, apparently not. I do give the guy
some credit. I won’t say points. I give him some credit. I respect him, because
he was thinking. He was thinking, “If I go in to rob this gambling parlor/internet
cafe…” Which, I guess there’s money there, he is thinking about that. There’s
money there, like a stash of money. “If I use a gun and I get caught, I’ll
get arrested for armed robbery.” – Ahh.
– But if I go in without a weapon other than my own infection, then I’ll just
be arrested forinfestedrobbery, – or, you know…
– They have to invent a new charge! Yeah, yeah. In fact, I believe it’s
completely legal. I think he completely bypassed the system. He found a loophole.
But he was arrested, so maybe he didn’t – find a loophole.
– Yeah, it was still attempted robbery, – but it was just…
– It’s not armed robbery. With points for being creative. I think
the judge might reduce the sentence or something. Leave a comment and let us
know, as we continue to talk about this, what’s the most creative way that you would
rob an internet cafe? Not that you would! – I’m not saying that you people–
– Don’t! aspire to rob internet cafes, and
we’re not saying that you should. – You shouldn’t.
– But, you know, you should probably rob something that has more money. I just
don’t think that they have a lot of money. But I’m also– I’m not even saying that.
I think I’m digging myself a hole here. Yeah. You shouldn’t
rob anyone. We’re not– – Don’t rob anybody, but if you–
– If you decide to rob, don’t use a gun, or a knife, or a weapon.
Use your infection. Use something more creative and tell
us in the comments what that would be. But you still will be arrested, though.
And you probably won’t be successful, especially if– You know what, I bet you
the cashier was just resistant to MRSA and knew it. He’s like, “Oh, I’ve had it.
I’ve already developed natural immunity – to that, punk.”
– I would just think it was a joke, you know? I mean, is this
really serious business? That’s the thing. Have you
seen the movie Contagion? – I’ve seen a billboard for it.
– The one where Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t look like Gwyneth Paltrow, and then you
look at it and you’re like, “Oh, that’s – Gwyneth Paltrow.”
– I thought that was Tilda Swinton. Yeah. It’s not Tilda Swinton,
it’s Gwyneth Paltrow. – Oh, gosh. Don’t do that again, Gwyneth.
– Listen. I’m a student of many things, Link, as you know, and as the people who
watch this show know. I’m a student of the bacterial… I’m a student
of the microbial arms race. – I’m willing to grant you “BS Artist…
– (laughs) … of the Microbial Arms Race” but I’m
not gonna go much farther than that. This is a real threat. Not this man with a
staph infection, but the fact that we have created very resistant bacteria because
we are… you know, there’s lots of talk about this in the news, especially
recently as we’ve gotten more and more resistant bacteria because we’ve overdone
the antibiotic thing. You know, it’s kind of a generational thing, too, because it’s
just like…. growing up, especially my parents’ generation, if you got sick,
it’s like, “I gotta get me an antibiotic. I gotta get rid of this cold.
I gotta get an antibiotic.” Yeah, I can understand that.
I mean, I’ve definitely done that. You hope… because I’ve been to the
doctor and I’ve been like… I’ve been miserable, and it’s just, “Just give
me something to make this better.” And I hate it when they say, “Oh, well,
you know, it’s a virus. I can’t give you anything.” Cause a virus… antibiotics
don’t work on a virus, right? – Exactly.
– But if you take the antibiotic, you – become immune to it?
– No, what happens is, people take antibiotics where they’re not necessary
and those bacteria adapt to that antibiotic and then they become stronger.
And another thing people do is they don’t finish the course of the antibiotics
because they begin taking the antibiotic and they’re like, (silly voice) “I feel
better after the first day! I’m gonna quit now!” (normally) And then they quit,
and that bacteria is left over. It doesn’t necessarily make them sick again,
but it perpetuates the problem. We do it in the population and
then we end up with things like MRSA. You know what? My kid got MRSA. He’s not
the one that robbed this bank. He’s not – robbing banks in Pennsylvania.
– But he got better, right? – I remember this.
– Yeah. We were freaked out, because he – had this boil… this is kinda nasty.
– Oh, gosh. Let’s… He was a two-year-old. A two-year-old with
this infection that wouldn’t heal. We took him to the– whoa! Excuse
me. We took him to the– – You just talked to the mic.
– Yeah. I really respect this microphone. – Excuse me, mic.
– We took him to the pediatrician… – I just bumped you.
– We were really freaked out, and they were like, “This happens all the time.”
I was like, “Really?” They said, “Yeah. Two years ago, we got two cases of MRSA
in children a year. Now we get, on average, nine a month.” And it’s not just
happening with… people are like, “Oh, what are you, letting your kid play
around in the kitty litter? You letting your kid go into the garbage?” No, it’s
happening everywhere. It’s at gyms, it’s at playgrounds. We’ve created it, people. I have seen your children in kitty
litter and garbage dumps, though. He’s fine. He’s now three; he’s fine.
There has not been a recurrent infection. He doesn’t rob banks.
But it’s a serious problem. But did the doctors say, “You know what,
this is a scary situation, but the least you can do is take advantage of it. Go to
your nearest internet cafe and see if you – can round up some dough?”
– Well, when they told us that we had the infection, I seriously thought about
taking the infection, putting it in a vial of some kind, and finding the nearest
internet cafe, but they don’t have – internet cafes anymore.
– The CIA is already coming. – (laughs)
– They’re listening and they’re already on – their way here.
– I think there’s some kind of system the CIA has when they hear, like, “vial” and
“infection” and different things like that it sets some alarm off and then they cue
into this and then we get phone calls. So let me summarize. In this episode,
we’re seemingly advising you to rob internet cafes, and we’re giving
medical advice and, like, how to take or – not take antibiotics?
– No. We are overstepping our
bounds at every turn, people! – (dramatically) Good Mythical Morning!
– Oh, you think it’s a good thing? – I’m just– I’m being facetious.
– Before we dig ourselves in a bigger hole, let’s just spin
the Wheel of Mythicality. (Link grunts) Oh gosh. Here it is. – (Link) I put it down the other way.
– (Rhett) Yeah, don’t do that. – Spin it counterclockwise for me, Link.
– (Link) You know what? I’m gonna– You see what happens? Look.
You see what happens when you– – When you spin it clockwise?
– (Rhett) Improv ending song. Okay, this one was suggested
by… bam! Here we go. That was a little… that was a
little I don’t know what that was. – Here we go. All right, we’re gonna do–
– I didn’t wanna have to do this. – ♪ (guitar strums) ♪
– So you’re gonna improv the song. Just play a little something.
I’ll sing a little something. ♪ (upbeat guitar music) ♪ ♪ Well, this is the end of
another Good Mythical Morning ♪ ♪ We’re so glad you showed up! ♪ ♪ But now it’s time to end it all ♪
(speaking) Well, not end it all, – just end the show.
– (speaking) Are you gonna kill yourself? No, I’m not gonna do that.
I like myself more than that. – ♪ See ♪
– ♪ (harmonizing) youuuu tomorrowwwww! ♪ [Captioned by Caitrin:
GMM Captioning Team]

100 Replies to “Guy Robs Store with Infection”

  1. I got a spider bite and I never noticed it until a big spot that I bought was a bruise and then ( gross alert ) it had puss coming out of it and I had to go to the hospital but I was fine

  2. Something about the ending song makes me feel emotional, maybe because this was the first gmm improv ending song

  3. I'd rob an internet cafe with all kinds of magnets. Threaten all the customers' hard drives. I'd be a comic book supervillain. CompuDeath! (copyright)

  4. I’d rob an Internet cafe with a vial containing water I would claim that when airborne the liquid inside would vaporize and when inhaled… well let’s hope it doesn’t get to that (I would be all spooky scary about it though)

  5. I've decided to watch every episode of GMMorning and possibly GMMore and participate so here goes. . . I'd rob an internet cafe with chloroform ,

  6. I'd Rob a store with a stun cane, like I would get in line. Then I'd flash the cane thingy and be like. "EVERYONE GET OUT! There's a dangerous electric thing!" Then I'd Rob the place while no one was looking. Then get rid of the footage

  7. Lol who would have thought when they were making this, they were going to end up using the stun cane on each other in future episodes!

  8. I think there is a law against biological weapons etc I'm not sure the context but I do not people have used things for biological warfare

  9. In America, in Britain we don't run out to get antibiotics we're like sick, we drink fluids lay down and let out bodies deal with it. Only when it gets bad do we go get meds and we also don't have a mrsa problem.

  10. I'd like to rob an internet cafe with something to block the internet so that nobody can use the internet cafe and then they slowly lose customers until they give in to my threat, and then I take out the device that they can't find

  11. If I were to rob an Internet cafe (not entirely sure what that is) I would use a time machine and travel to the future where they have invisibility cloaks and then come back to the present and put on the cloak and just take the stuff

  12. I would rob a place armed with cute puppy overload. So so so many cute puppies. I think it'll work. O.O

  13. Read somewhere that in 2018, Scandinavians where just about the only people left who had any use for antibiotics, as you can't buy it over the counter there.
    Like many other drugs, you build resistance to it the more you use it. And its genetics. Its less and less effective in places like the US, because everyone cranks it down like candy. And your kids will take over from when they were born.

  14. I would study quick hypnosis techniques, and convince the cashier to hand it over, thinking it was their idea.

  15. I’m watching every single episode of gmm and so I’m going to comment on every single one this is my comment

  16. I'd rob an internet cafe with a lawsuit. Seems to be the best way for anyone to get robbed nowadays

  17. My brother had a splinter in his toe and went bowling and got MRSA in his big toe. It was disgusting and his toe was like rotting away. I thought he was gunna lose it

  18. Where in NC is he from? My dad is from Oriental & we have a 2nd house in Bayboro..I didn't catch what he said his town was. Maybe western NC??

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *